It's the only place in the US that can field juries freakish, illogical, and idiotic enough to acquit both O.J. Simpson and the Menendez Brothers.

It's the only place where people will willingly pay $4.00 for a glass of sewer water and pureed grass clippings. It's also the only place where people will sincerely believe that this is health food.

Caviar, brie, and quiche are perfectly acceptable in a California vegetarian's diet.

In Southern California, there are only five known occupations-actor/actress, screenwriter, producer, director, and pool cleaner.

Many Californians consider being out in the sun for 5 minutes to be dangerous but think nothing of lying in a tanning booth for two hours.

Californians will avoid all physical exertion unless it is performed at a health club.

Unlike the rest of the country where people only seem to be wasted on drugs all the time, Californians really are.

In California, physical imperfection is a crime.

In California, mental imperfection is endemic.

In California, a middle-aged man wearing running shorts, flip-flops, a lavender polo shirt, a Rolex wristwatch, and a pair of $700 sunglasses is considered well-dressed.

In California, that same middle-aged man wearing rollerblades, a faux leopard skin cape, a clown wig, and an oversized diaper is considered to be a fashion icon.

In California, that same middle-aged man might just be a federal judge, a member of the City Council, an alien in disguise, a Boy Scout troop leader, or simply on his way to a performance art exhibition-perhaps all of the above.

Californians will believe anything. See above.

Californians take their evening news seriously.

And the worst thing about California is…
Californians take themselves seriously.