RENO--The results of a two-year study by Tarnish (okay, so we haven't been around that long, but we've been gathering data for a long time now...) on the characteristics of 1,256 University of Nevada vanity plate drivers have caused quite a stir amongst our statisticians. The numbers speak for themselves:
Percentage of UNR vanity plate drivers who own SUVs: 88%
Percentage of UNR vanity plate drivers who think they own the road: 100%
Percentage of UNR vanity plate drivers who are too busy talking on cel phones to notice they ran a red light: 93%
Percentage of UNR vanity plate drivers who are eating or drinking while driving: 58%
Percentage of UNR vanity plate drivers who think they're good drivers: 112%
Percentage of UNR vanity plate drivers who incite road rage in other drivers: 64%
Percentage of UNR vanity plate drivers who have stupid bumper stickers: 45%
Percentage of UNR vanity plate drivers who are probably California transplants: 75
%
Percentage of UNR vanity plate drivers who appear to be stoned at the wheel: 27%
Percentage of UNR vanity plate drivers who have no apparent excuse for being such poor drivers: 63%
Percentage of UNR vanity plate drivers who are in a hurry: 83%
Percentage of UNR vanity plate drivers who are in a big hurry: 43%
Percentage of UNR vanity plate drivers who should have their licenses permanently revoked: 39%
Percentage of UNR vanity plate drivers who are complete sphincters: 79%
Actually, none of these findings are really that shocking, except for this last one:
Percentage of UNR vanity plate drivers who actually attended UNR: 3%