"Gov. Guinn Calls Self "Stud Monkey"--Women Expected to Swoon Statewide"

"Gov. Guinn Calls Self "Stud Monkey"--Women Expected to Swoon Statewide" Almost News!

Gov. Guinn Calls Self "Stud Monkey"--Women Expected to Swoon Statewide

Carson City--Governor Kenny Guinn issued a decree Monday calling for all state residents to hereafter refer to him as "Stud Monkey" Guinn, a nickname that he chose while perusing the Sunday comics (to the Creators Syndicate's eternal chagrin). Guinn, apparently an avid reader, found the nickname "catchy".

Guinn believes the nickname will help him get women. When asked to elaborate, the governor replied, "Chicks, babes, broads, booty, ho's & b*tches, y'know." When Tarnish restated the question, emphasizing HOW this may aid him, he candidly revealed that "stud" implied that he was "a virile dude" and "monkey" implied that he was cute, playful, and hairy.

"Oh, yeah. This mack Daddy's a silverback alpha," gloated the governor in an exclusive phone interview.

Tarnish pointed out that monkeys have a number of derogatory associations, such as their propensity to eat body lice and fling poo.

"Yeah, but the chicks I dig like it."