"Guinn Detractors Discard Recall Effort, Mount Tar and Feather Campaign"

"Guinn Detractors Discard Recall Effort, Mount Tar and Feather Campaign" Almost News!

Guinn Detractors Discard Recall Effort, Mount Tar and Feather Campaign

Carson City--Incensed by Governor "Stud Monkey" Guinn's recent successful efforts to disenfranchise Nevadans, ignore voter sentiment, circumvent the legislative process, and cover up his ongoing fiscal misbehavior, a growing number of Guinn detractors have abandoned efforts to recall him. Instead, they are concentrating their efforts on getting enough signatures to have Governor Guinn stripped naked, covered in hot tar, liberally doused with chicken feathers, and run out of the state on a rail.

A spokeswoman for the tar and feather campaign reported that, "We have 21,000 of the 120,000 signatures we need, but we're very confident because we obtained 90% of those signatures yesterday. We were also taking donations, but stopped after people dropped off 837 pounds of tar, a long, splintery board, and a few hundred pillows. That ought to just about do the job."

When Tarnish asked why the choice of tar and feathers, the spokeswoman stated that "...focus group results indicated that our first alternative--six weeks on the Survivor TV show sleeping in filth and eating raw slugs--wasn't humiliating enough, and our second alternative--drawing and quartering--was likely to draw sympathy from animal rights groups. The last thing we want are a bunch of chanting, placard-waving activists trying to save the last 'stud monkey' in the state."

When asked for comments on the situation, a spokesperson for Governor Guinn's office stated that "Governor Stud Monkey is not concerned by this development. After all, he has a perfect record in crushing voter initiatives. Still, he is exploring such time-honored political countermeasures as emphasizing his successes (name one-Ed.), harassing opponents, filing lawsuits, launching taxpayer-funded anti-taxpayer propaganda campaigns, branding opponents terrorists, and forming death squads. He is also looking into hiring James Carville as an image consultant."